Sitting in silence, thoughts come. If sufficient attention is brought to bear, it can be observed that the thoughts come from nowhere, from no-one. They emerge from the Emptiness which is also somehow fruitful, like the virginal womb in the Christian story bringing forth God.
Because thoughts and actions arise from this Emptiness, this Divine Womb, there is no little me in charge. How could it be in control, when the thoughts that constitute it are themselves out of its control? (see this post for more)
This lays bare the impotence of the “little me”, its illusory nature. It is simply thoughts pointing at an entity, thoughts which make it appear that this “entity”, this “little me”, is in control when it clearly is not. The mind is a commentator, not a commander.
Every thought and action, then, is a surprise. If it were not, each thought and action would somehow be known before it arises, but that is not the case.
This fact tends to be a revelation, a shock. We want to believe ourselves to be in control of the show, and it is disturbing when the discovery is made that we are not. Yet the relative unpredictability of the “outside world” is readily accepted. We are seated outside and observe a bird flying across the sky - are we surprised? Do we think we are in control of its appearance? No we don’t, and that fact doesn’t disturb us.
The examples can be expanded. A phone call at work arrives unexpectedly. We don’t know what our partner or children are going to say next. The news report contains unexpected information. A sudden breeze arises while walking the streets.
The fact that we are not in control of any of these occurrences does not shake us.
Yet when it comes to thoughts and actions it is a revelation that these also arise without any little “me” being in control. The reason this is such a revelation is that there is a self identification with these thoughts and actions, and therefore we believe these things are in our sphere of control. The bird flying across the sky tends to be considered as separate from “me” and therefore beyond my control.
Yet it is all a gift.
Thoughts, actions, sights, sounds, touches, tastes, smells, quiet, focus, attention, relaxation - all of it arises in Awareness without a little “me” dictating any of it.
Everything is a surprise, everything is new and fresh.
We don’t appreciate the gift of the new, we don’t look for it, or live in expectation of it. Life becomes dreary when we believe ourselves to be in control - all that is left is our own repetitive thought patterns which shut out the possibility or appreciation of the new, the fresh.
The God of surprises has blessed us with an interesting life, if we just could let go of the illusion of control. Pray for the grace of freedom, for it is not something the little “me” can manufacture.