Those who regularly read this newsletter / blog will perhaps know that I subscribe to the direct path of awakening and understanding. This approach, also called self-enquiry, involves investigating one’s experience to discover that the limited self, the small “me”, does not actually exist and that we are, in fact, Awareness.
In this post, I will explore a commonly used “method” of self-enquiry which involves asking questions of one’s self. This method has its origins (I believe) in the teachings of Ramana Maharshi.
Consider the following two verses from his poem Upadesa Undiyar:
19. 'Whence does the 'I' arise?' Seek this within. The 'I' then vanishes. This is the pursuit of wisdom.
20. Where the 'I' vanished, there appears an 'I-I' by itself. This is the infinite.
Where does the ‘I’ arise? In this context, the ‘I’ is the limited self, the ego, the small “me”. What is this ‘I’ exactly and where can it be found? To embark on this search is to discover the truth of things.
To ask this question frequently “within” will result in this small “I” vanishing, for it was only ever an illusion to begin with. What will remain then is the “I-I” - the True Self, infinite Awareness.
Let’s consider a more concrete example.
An exploratory example
Consider the case where, in a work place, someone criticises your work. Maybe you feel hard done-by in this criticism, and therefore you get upset. Perhaps angry, perhaps sad, perhaps anxious - perhaps all of these things.
Take an example from your own experience that resembles this scenario.
Who is upset in this example? Ask this of yourself regarding your own experience.
Let’s say “me”, “Andrew” is upset.
Who is Andrew? If I consider the mind experiments suggested in a previous post, I will come to the conclusion that all “Andrew” is is a series of memories, habitual thoughts, and a somewhat consistent environment.
But does this make sense? Can a thought be upset? No - a thought is just a phenomenon arising and falling, it can’t be upset. A thought could arise saying “I am upset”, but that thought itself is not upset.
Perhaps its a feeling in the body. But can a feeling be upset? Let’s say there is a feeling of a certain tightness in the stomach. Can this tightness be upset? No - the mind interprets this feeling as meaning “I am upset”, but, again, we are trying to find out who this “I” is who is upset. We know it’s not the feeling that is upset.
So the “I” who is upset is not a thought (or series of thoughts) or a feeling (or a series of feelings). What is left?
Is my consciousness upset? That doesn’t sound right either. How can knowing or awareness itself be upset? It is that which knows “upset” and therefore cannot be what is upset.
If this is all correct, then nothing is upset. It is just the mind imagining there is someone there to be upset, someone who has been slighted or hurt. However, as we have just discovered, there is no such person. There are thoughts, feelings, and the knowing of thoughts and feelings, but there is no one who is upset. It is an illusion.
This is the work of self-enquiry. However, it needs to be undertaken by each individual so that it becomes clear in experience that there is no such person. It is not enough to follow the logic of the above investigation, it must be directly experienced.
The goal is not to actually find who is upset - it is to discover that there is no one who is upset. It is to break through the illusion to what “you” really are.
Self-enquiry in daily life
The exercise explained above is something you would perhaps do while you have some free time to think deeply. However, in day-to-day life it is easy to get lost in business and find it difficult to stop and think through this exercise clearly.
However, it is quite quick to simply ask yourself “who is upset?”, or “who is anxious?” or “who is angry?” and turn within to briefly try and find this supposed person. You’ll find that just by doing this short self-enquiry you will discover that there is nothing or no-one there. That’s all that is required. You shouldn’t expect to find anybody, for this “I” who is upset, this little “me”, is just a fleeting thought - it is not there. It comes and is gone again.
Your person-related thoughts will then briefly come to an end, because their delusion is under the spotlight, so to speak. Then you can rest in the emptiness and go back to enjoying your life.
It is important to understand that these questions that you ask in the heat of the moment aren’t supposed to have an answer. For who you really are is unlimited Awareness, and nothing can be conceptualised about this. Emptiness is the outcome for the finite mind when Awareness examines or knows Awareness. So remember that you aren’t looking for an answer to these questions - if you are looking for anything it is simply Emptiness - for Emptiness is the truth.
The more you do this, the more natural it will become until person-related, little “me” thoughts and associated feelings simply stop arising. The reason for their arising, the belief in a little “me” who can be anxious, be upset, be angry and so on, has been thoroughly seen to be the delusion it is.
Then life becomes a celebration - rejoice!
We’re fortunate that you can share your insights with us.
If we are just a collection of memories and thoughts and feelings, what would our individual personalities be considered to be as it relates to non-duality?