When our mind is full of thought, sometimes we crave quiet. Especially in this modern world, with so many distractions, devices and entertainment, it is easy to feel “strung out” or spread a little thin.
Most thought arises on behalf of the separate self. The separate self is just a collection of ideas that we believe ourselves to be - in the same way as we would have a collection of ideas about what, say, a chair is. In this way, the self is regarded as an object - an object which moves about the world, which can think, feel, act and so on.
This object, this separate self, is capable of being hurt, capable of being pleased, capable of being comfortable, or conversely, uncomfortable. It can be happy, sad, anxious, excited. It is considered an object with properties - “I am happy, sad, anxious etc.”
Many thoughts arise on behalf of this object-self. The future and past are born. The future is the mind imagining ways to ensure that the object-self is comfortable, pleased and so on, while avoiding occasions of hurt, sadness, and anxiousness. The past is a rumination on what this object-self endured or enjoyed.
Thoughts like the following are constantly cycling through the mind “oh, I have to get this finished soon, it is so boring. I can’t wait to get home to watch that show we have been enjoying. I’m getting a little hungry, I wonder what I will make for dinner. I better leave soon, so I’m not stuck in traffic. I’m not looking forward to work tomorrow, maybe I can pretend I’m sick” and on and on.
Constant thoughts pandering to this “I”, the object-self or ego.
These thoughts sap the joy of life, and, over time, tend to wear us out.
So what is to be done?
First, understand that thoughts about what you are can only ever point to an object. Thoughts can only deal with objects that can be defined, delineated, separated off from other objects, and so on. Yet is your experience object / thought-like, or is it something completely different?
Does your experience have edges or a boundary? Is it clearly definable - can you describe the taste of ice cream such that another person, who has never had ice cream, would know exactly what it was like? Could you measure your experience, or weigh it in the scales?
No - this is because your experience, your awareness, is not an object. It cannot be defined by thought. Yet your experience or awareness, is prior to any thoughts or apparent objects which arise within it. In a sensory deprivation tank, in deep thought-less meditation, there is still awareness. So it is more fundamental to this idea you have of “me”. Therefore it is more real, more you, than anything your mind can conjure up in the form of concepts.
What you really are, then, is Emptiness. Silence. The absence of thoughts and concepts. Awareness.
As such, when you ask the question - what am I? The answer you should expect to find experientially is silence. If you find that you answer with more thoughts, you have not found what you really are.
The end of an exercise of self-enquiry is a deep silence, or emptiness.
But it is not the emptiness of nothing. It is rather the shining Emptiness of fullness. When we walk outside on a sunny day after being in a dark room, we are blinded by the light. We can’t see, not because it is too dark, but because it is too light.
In Emptiness we are suffused with Presence, and the mind goes silent, for it is no longer required in this transcendent fullness. One of the mind’s main functions is to search for better times - but it does not know that the better times that it is seeking are available right now. It is only when the mind goes quiet, when the seeking stops, that the realisation arrives that happiness is not something to search for.
Happiness lives in Emptiness - and the mind (mostly) comes to rest, for its seeking functions are no longer required. Ignore the protestations from the mind that it is necessary, that its constant chattering are the only thing keeping you alive. The proof is in the pudding - life unfolds quite fine on its own without a supposed someone thinking about it.
When we dwell in Emptiness, in Awareness, there is no longer any “me” that is separate from the world. There is just life unfolding. Then there is the realisation that all things are just emptiness dancing - to borrow a term from Adyashanti. Or, to put it another way, as DT Suzuki said - zero=infinity and infinity=zero.
Then life is no longer tiring, there is no more thinness. Everything is full and empty. There are no problems in infinity or zero.
Peace be with you all.
Incredibly Lucid. Thank you Andrew . What a blessing to be able to read this 🙏
Gracias ❤️